Happy Heart

My house is a happy place right now, at least for me, and my heart is smiling! Both of my kids are in their rooms playing an instrument. For Sadie, it is her ukulele. She got it last January, and taught herself to play, and she plays it fairly often...almost daily, and usually sings along. And every time I hear it, I smile. But it also made me miss hearing Aaron play his guitar..

Both of my kids have musical talents, and both can sing (a lot) better than Toby and I. Aaron started playing guitar in 2nd grade, I think. He got a mini-Fender electric guitar from Santa and started lessons that year. And he played through most of elementary school. But he quit lessons in 5th grade (or sometime around then). And shortly after that, he pretty much quit playing guitar at all. A few times, when he was grounded and couldn't do anything else, he would pick up his guitar (no longer a mini...he got a full-sized electric guitar in 3rd grade). But always, once he was ungrounded, he would quit playing.

Until now. About a month ago, we took Aaron in for some testing. It was expensive, and it was basically really in-depth aptitude testing, to help him figure out what he wants to do with his life...what major for college/what career path. It was a day and a half of testing, and then we sat down with his tester and were told the results. One of the things the testing revealed was that Aaron has great tonal memory. The guy said what that means is that if he hears a tune, he can go sit down at a piano and would probably be able to figure out how to play the melody, without any music being available. We all looked at each other, and smiled, because Aaron does this pretty often. He has never had a piano lesson, but when he hears a song he likes, he will sit down and mess around on the piano for about 2 minutes and then be able to play the melody (not the full harmony...just the right hand, and just a single note at a time). Ever since then, Aaron has been playing his guitar more and more. And just like on the piano, he can figure out the melody of songs on the guitar too. Again, not the chords, but the melody.

And this momma is loving it! I love hearing them play their instruments. I am a practical person, and I know that music is not necessarily going to be either of their career path (and the rational person in me would hope that they wouldn't choose that as a career because it can be such a difficult career), but I know that them being able to play instruments is something they can do for life, and it can bring joy to them, and me, and all around them!

Aaron's Diagnosis (Part 3)

So, we ended up spending 3 days in the hospital with Aaron. It was primarily for education, because there is A LOT to know about managing diabetes. Like I said in my previous post, Aaron did a great job learning what he needed to know. By the time we were discharged (Friday afternoon), he was very adept at checking his BS, calculating his carbs and the amount of insulin he needed to give based on his BS and carbs. He was also a pro at giving himself his shots.

On the last day, he learned how to use an insulin pen (instead of using syringes). These are so much easier to "draw up" the dosage, and the needles are so small. The nurse practitioner for the group set up all the stuff we needed at the pharmacy and arranged for it to be delivered to the hospital before we left so we wouldn't have to go pick it up. She also gave us 2 "coupons" to help lower the cost of insulin for us.

We came home, and began our new normal. For the first week, I was very thorough in keeping track of everything Aaron ate (along with the carb counts) and keeping track of his BS and dosages. On Aaron's part, he never missed a beat. He went out with friends that first night home. When he told me he was going out with friends to watch a movie, my initial response was no. I mean, he just got out of the hospital, right? But when he asked me why he couldn't go, I really didn't have a valid reason, other than I didn't want him to leave my sight. But I knew that he couldn't be controlled by diabetes, and he was obviously not going to let it change his life. I needed to not allow it to change how I treated him either.

A few weeks after this, I was alone with Aaron outside. I told him how proud I was of him and how he had been handling everything. He looked at me and said "how else am I supposed to handle it? It's not like anything would change if I got mad or angry or depressed about it."

And that's Aaron. He doesn't get easily ruffled. He takes things in stride. To this day, I still worry. Right now, we are kind of in limbo. Since August 12, he hasn't needed to take any insulin, which is very unusual. His doctor says he is in the honeymoon phase, and that eventually, we will be back to needing insulin, and having to do all those calculations and worrying about low blood sugars. But we've had almost 4 months of no insulin, and I praise God for that. And I pray that if (or when) Aaron in no longer in the honeymoon phase, that he will adjust just as smoothly as he did when he first got his diagnosis.

Aaron's Diagnosis (Part 2)

So, Wednesday morning, I took Sadie to school and then Aaron and I headed to the pediatrician's office. We were immediately brought back to a room, and then sent Aaron to the bathroom with a specimen cup for a urinalysis. When he came back to the room, they checked his BS. The nurse had a tough time with the glucometer. She tried a few times, but it wouldn't register, so she went to get batteries. She tried again and finally got a number. I can't remember the exact number. I remember it was a little lower than 278. I think it was in the 240's. But still way too high. The nurse left, and we waited for our pediatrician to come in.

We didn't wait long. I heard her walk up to the door. I knew she was checking the chart, to see the BS and the UA results. And I heard what she said. I know she didn't say it very loud, and her intent was not for us to hear it. Two simple words. They confirmed what I already knew. "Oh no." And then the door opened.

She sat down and told us that he was spilling glucose in his urine (meaning that there was too much glucose in his blood stream and his kidneys couldn't handle it and they were allowing glucose to get into his urine). That, combined with his blood sugar did indeed mean diabetes. She said the one positive is that there were no ketones in his urine...that we caught it early. But I knew...catching it early wasn't like catching cancer early. Catching it early didn't give you a better chance of "beating it" or being cured. Diabetes isn't curable. It is manageable. But once you have it, you are a diabetic for life.

The doctor left the room to call a pediatric endocrinologist, who told her to send us to the hospital. Her instructions were to go straight to the hospital. Not to go home and pack a bag, but straight to the hospital. So, we did.

On the ride to the hospital, I called Toby to let him know everything. And then I called my mom to tell her. After I got off the phone with mom, Aaron asked me to call his "other mom." His best friend's mom, Linda, treats him like a son, and he loves her like a mom. I thought it was sweet that he wanted to make sure she knew. I also texted the school principal (who is a close friend of mine), and let her know that she could let the school know.

Initially, Aaron was put in pediatric ICU. He was put there because the pediatric endocrinologist misunderstood when our pediatrician called and thought Aaron DID have ketones in his urine. But, even if they hadn't misunderstood, we still would have started out in ICU because they didn't have any regular rooms available. So, they hooked him up to a monitor, and got his IV started (it took 2 attempts), and drew labs. They wouldn't let him eat anything until the labs came back, so it was pretty miserable for this teenage boy, who hadn't had any breakfast, to wait for.

Aaron's Diagnosis (Part 1)

One of the main reasons I wanted to restart blogging is because of what happened in April (and here it is, the end of November and I'm just now getting around to actually writing about it).

On Saturday, April 21, Aaron came into my room and said he needed to use our bathroom because Sadie was in theirs. This happens occasionally, and he just said it as he walked past me into our bathroom. When he came out, he casually mentioned that he was having to go to the bathroom "like, all the time." As a nurse, and a sister of a diabetic, this caught my attention immediately, and my mind went into panic mode. But I used all my power to keep a calm face and tone as I asked him "Well, are you drinking more?' His response caused even further panic in me. He said, "Yeah, I'm thirsty all the time." Frequent urination and increased thirst are 2 of the tell-tale signs of diabetes. But I still tried to keep a calm façade for Aaron. We visited about it a little more, and he said he was even having to wake up a few times each night to go to the bathroom.

I MADE myself not react to all of this. You see, when he was younger (like 4 or 5), I had tested his blood sugar I think 3 different times, each time because I was convinced he was diabetic. And his blood sugar was always fine. So I decided that this was probably just the same, and decided to wait a few days and see if anything changed. Each day, I would ask him the same questions: Are you still having to pee a lot? Did you have to wake up to go to the bathroom last night? How many times?

After school on Monday, 4/23, when he was still answering yes to those questions, I told him we needed to check his blood sugar. I told him he needed to go to Granny's house and ask to borrow her glucometer so we could check. He said he didn't want to do that, so I told him I would have Toby go get it the next day, and we would check it right after school Tuesday. I told him not to have anything to eat or drink after lunch that day, and to come straight home.

So Tuesday afternoon, Toby went to his mom's to get the glucometer. He also ran a few errands for her before he came home with it. So it was about 4:45 when we finally tested his BS. As soon as we pricked his finger and put the drop of blood on the strip, the glucometer started processing. It only took a few seconds, but it felt like forever. In those few seconds, I remember thinking "it's going to be like all the other times. I've gotten myself all worked up, and watch. His BS is going to be like 80."

When his number popped up on the glucometer, my heart sank. I've heard that expression hundreds of times. I've probably even used that expression before. But this was such a literal feeling of my heart sinking into my gut.

At the same time, my heart was also in my throat. 278. Two hundred seventy-eight. Even as I type that number, my heart seems to stop beating. I am staring at that number, much as I did that afternoon. Time and world seemed to just stop...and at the same time to spin all around me.

For those of you who are not aware, a normal fasting BS is 70-110. I knew what a 278 meant. As my entire being wanted to just crumple onto the floor, my mom-sense and my nursing training kicked in. We teach our nursing students to keep their "nurse face" on, when they see something unsettling or smell something horrendous, or are there when a patient gets a life-altering diagnosis. I knew at that moment that my son was a diabetic. I knew what that meant for him. I knew how it would change his life. I didn't let any of that show on my face though. Toby asked me what we needed to do.  I knew it would mean a trip to the hospital, but I wasn't sure of how we needed to proceed. So, I texted Aaron's pediatrician, who also happens to be a friend of mine. I texted her because it was close to 5:00 and I wasn't sure if the office would still be taking calls.

In the text, I explained everything that led up to us testing his BS, and told her what the number was. I asked her what she wanted us to do. She asked several questions about whether or not he was having any other symptoms, and since he was not, and did not exhibit any signs of ketoacidosis, she asked us if we could come in to the office first thing Wednesday morning, with Aaron not having eaten anything since bedtime. So that is what we did.

And with that, this post is getting pretty long. I'm going to stop for now, and will continue his story in the next post.

Long time...

I haven't blogged in a long time.  Like years. When I (finally) caved and signed up for Facebook, it seems like I started entering our daily happenings there instead of here. And it seemed ok. I could sit down and quickly share what was happening in our lives, and my friends and family to see what was going on. But I have realized that while FB streamlines this process, it also makes it difficult to go back and see those important events, or those funny things my kids said. Yes, FB is doing a better job by showing users their "on this day" posts, but it just isn't the same. I recently have been wanting to sort of "journal" some of the events that have happened, and I remembered this blog. I wasn't even sure if it still existed, or if blogger deleted accounts that haven't been used in forever. Luckily, it was still here, and I spent time going back through, reading about those things that happened in our lives for the short time that I did blog. And I loved it! Some of those things, I thought I'd never forget. But guess what? I did forget. It was great going back and reading those entries, and seeing those pictures! So now, I am going to try to start blogging again. Not at all for other people to read. It isn't like I had a huge following to begin with. In fact, I kind of hope no one reads these. I want to use this blog like a journal, and I feel like I can be more honest if I think no one but me reads it ;)

Update From a Slacker

Man, have I been slacking about keeping up with this blog. I seriously doubt anyone really reads this blog anymore, but I do want to keep posting to it as a sort-of scrapbook. It is really neat to go back and read the old posts and remember what was going on in our lives back then. But even though I thoroughly enjoy that, I still keep dropping the ball.

So here are some random updates...

Aaron starts middle school in just over two weeks. For the first time, my kids will be at different schools. And we will have to learn all about the new school. I am looking forward to this adventure, but have to admit I'm a little sad that he's leaving behind his old school. And I'm a little nervous about the new one...I pray that it is as great of a fit for him and us as his elementary was.

Sadie will be in 3rd grade. She made her First Holy Communion last year right before Christmas, and right before we took our trip to Italy. And the worst thing is that I didn't post about EITHER of those major events...  Maybe I just need to do a photo-entry with pics from each one...

Today we bought Aaron football cleats. He needed a size 8! Holy Moly!!! And we also got him a few mouth guards. I *LOVE* football and I am so glad that he will be playing :) It is all so exciting!!!

Toby and I are on a weight-loss journey. I would say diet, but it's more than what a diet usually brings to mind. We started on June 3, and now, just a little over 2 months later, we have each lost 20 pounds. We started with a "fad diet" which showed us that we can eat smaller portions. We have committed to healthier eating, and so far, we have stuck with it. I want to boldly proclaim that this IS our new lifestyle, and that is indeed the plan. But I also know how easy it is to fall off the diet-wagon. So, like AA, we take it one day at a time.  Toby has been working out some during these 2 months, but I really haven't, so I hope to get motivated to start and commit to exercising. It will just help melt that fat away!

I hope to come back to read this blog a year from now, and 10 years from now, and be able to say that we did stick with it...that it truly was a lifestyle change, and that we reached our goal weights and stayed there.  BTW, Toby is a lot closer to his goal than I am to mine...

I guess that's enough of an update for now. Hopefully I can post again soon...maybe with pictures and stories from our Italy trip, or our Hawai'i trip, and Sadie's 1st Communion, and all the adventures this new school year will bring :)

Aaron's Talent

Aaron was just doing something that amazed me, made me proud, and frustrated me, all at the same time...

A little background first...He received a Fender Squire Mini electric guitar from Santa when he was in 1st grade.  He began taking lessons that January. Things were tough at first when he was just beginning to learn and I would have to force him to practice.  Then, as he got better, he started learning music that he really liked and would just pick up his guitar and play for fun. I didn't have to make him do it anymore. Of course, he did this much more often during the summer when he didn't have a ton of homework everyday, so he had more free time.  His abilities amazed me and inspired me to begin taking lessons too.  After I began lessons, I had even a greater admiration for his talent.

You see, he would do his 30 minute lesson and learn a new song. His teacher would usually write down the tab for whatever song he was learning, but once he got home, he would never bother looking at the music. In those short 30 minutes, he had the song memorized.  So after a while, his teacher just stopped writing down the tab.  I kept telling Aaron he should still have him write down the tab because over time, he will forget the music and wish he had something to look at.

Then, he quit guitar lessons. He had so much going on this year, and was getting frustrated that he had no free time, and was getting a little bored with guitar lessons because his teacher was having him practice scales instead of actual songs. So before Christmas, he stopped his lessons.  I was a heartbroken, but also relieved. I am very much a taxi-cab mom and have at least one kid activity every single weekday. So I was glad to not have to take Aaron to his guitar lesson, but sad because I so enjoyed hearing and watching him play, and because I really do believe he has such a gift.  I kept thinking that he would still play his guitar, pick it up and just play for fun and not because he had to practice. But he has only done that once, and that was only to get out of reading.

So that brings me to today.  We have been working really hard on cleaning the kids' rooms. And not just their floors, but the dressers and desks and bookcases, which all seem to become catch-alls for anything that they aren't quite sure where it goes.  In fact, after many hours and lots of tears and sweat, we are still working on Sadie's, but part of that is because we ended up having to do the closet to (because we couldn't get in there to put anything up...yikes!). Anyways, while I was working with Sadie, I hear Aaron start playing his guitar.  Sweet music to my ears. And he wasn't just picking a few chords or idly strumming. No. He was playing Sweet Child of Mine. A song he learned two years ago or more, and hasn't played in forever. And yet he was able to pick up his guitar and remembered the entire thing. Then he played Party Rock and another song.

Like I said, he amazed me and made me proud to be his mom. He has such a tremendous talent. But he frustrates me that he doesn't practice more often. And that he really doesn't show any real interest in it usually.  Perhaps he just needed a few months away from it. Hopefully he will start playing more and more often.  For now, I think I will just be glad that God has blessed him with such a great gift!